Listen to me read this Spider Queen Report »
Do you feel it? The waves of miracles present? Do you see it? The manifestation of dreams dreamed, and prayers prayed? Do you see it so close and yet clearly the distance between what is and what could be? Do you?
Oh, do I.
I have been working and praying on shifting these blockages and holds I have had standing or separating me from the power that is at work in me, of what is right here and right there.
What I know is that my doubt of “is it possible?” is largely if not entirely lifted. My faith delivered. Full. And yet, what is this place? This holding? This fear? This fear of death, or end, of being controlled. It’s control. It’s a story of supposed to, or a right way. A fear of being punished. I am concerned about my rightness.
I ask myself. I ask. What is this?
FEAR. Fear is at play.
I need help with it.
I am grieving and celebrating.
As I heal, these are not such separate things. It is a continuum of acknowledgment. I talk about this at length in my recent podcast episode, Let It All Fall Away.
As I unify with myself, the ends of a spectrum are unified in a constancy. The words we use begin to lose a little of their meaning or I am finding myself changing my definitions. A celebration has the waves and sensation of loss… grief a victory of passage and release. A wholeness of self, an expansiveness of awareness.
There I go. Here I come. This is it.
This is it.
One day soon this time will be, “Remember when?” And I will treasure the gifts that this time was. Before I was full life force flow unleashed.
I will look back with gratitude and compassion.
Rejoicing in all we did, we are. I did. I was. Felt. Saw. Risked. I will look to the memory of her and bless her.
I know this is true. I bless the renditions of myself in the past regularly.
I turn my knowing to receive the blessings she is offering me right now.
I open and receive her gratitude, her blessings, her encouragement. Her wisdom.
She knows just what to do. She is doing it. Living it.
She looks at me, she speaks to you and me together, she says:
Darling dear, gentle. Gentle.
It is happening, and your job is to let it. Let your breath love you. Let your body love you. Let the air love you.
Hold your heart, gather your courage, and open to receive the life-changing whoooooooosh that is already underway, you know, look at me, you know you are in the middle of a Holy Fuck. The one you’ve been asking for.
Breath. Cry. Honor what’s being moved, and thank the lover, with eyes unfiltered.
Show the BELOVED ALL THAT YOU SEE.
SHOW THE BELOVED ALL THAT YOU SEE.
Can you do that? Lay down the pretense and allow what you know to flow through you? The answer sweet one is YES.
Yes, you can. Yes, you do. Yes, you will.
The earth’s water wisdom asked you to heal with her, to let her wisdom and music and wholeness be yours. Will you allow the love pouring forth in? Yes. Yes, you will. You do. You are.
Let the edges get fuzzy, go blurry, lose focus, this is the right moment to let the focus go soft.
You asked for support to come to you, without taking on more work, to receive what you need without further exhausting you. It was heard, and now as that is being arranged your job is to open and let It come in.
Your prayer is to release heaviness not to add to it. So… the cosmos is working on it.
Can you let it? Can you let it happen now??? Today? Are you willing to be so loved?
The sexually satisfied, medicine, bossy, clear, human, desirous, gentle, divine, tender being that you are. Does she deserve it?
I can hear your breath get thin. I can hear your resistance to answer this question. I will answer it for you.
Yes, you do.
The resources without heaviness, and in fact the support that will lift the current heaviness of the arrangements that you have used to get here is also about to be lifted.
Are you willing?
What will happen when all that weight you’ve been so accustomed to carrying is handed over to the appropriate places?
Who will you be burdenless? Without burden?
Can you imagine?
I am her.
I will tell you what I know.
I know peace and rest.
I know blissful naps in midday. I know tea in the morning. I know sunsets with beloved’s hands in mine, and the song that raises from this being is one of kindness and thanksgiving.
I know freedom.
I breathe and I know you are having a hard time hearing this.
Hear me, sweet soul, hear me.
My womb is light, my heart bright, my solar plexus steady and soft.
I am dynamic without the chains.
Can you imagine?
Hear the story, my love.
The chains are gone. In their place, free-flowing breath. In their place gratitude and prayers of sweet inhale exhale. Soft, easy, wet, openness, and as you look out the earth’s body is well. BECAUSE YOU ARE WELL.
The chains, gone. The chains, gone. Look closely, Sophia. The chains are gone.
The chains are gone. The chains are gone. The chains are gone.
The chains, my love, my sweet, the chains are gone.
They are gone. I will tell you again and again until you are with me, chainless.
The chains are gone. The chains are gone. The chains are gone. The chains are gone. The chains are gone.
The chains, look closely, look with all your eyes, look with the hairs on your body, look deeply in your bones, look in the cells, there are no chains. The chains are gone. Gone, my love.
You have put them down, smelted and transfigured all that they were.
No one picked them up.
The body becomes chainless and the bodies you touch become chainless. Chainless.
The metals of the earth, the minerals, the ancestors weaving differently.
The chains have become the threads of where the babies are loved, the bodies are safe, the bellies are fed, the waterways are clean, the air as fresh as the butterflies and bees wanted.
You and the plants sing and share the medicine.
The animals walk in knowing and well being.
We are all chainless love. We are all chainless.
Listen to me as I tell you, this is you.
You put it down, you put them down every day until there is not a chain left in your spinning molecules.
Every single chain laid down and eaten and has given birth to very foundations of liberation, wellness, and justice.
The weight and grief of your ancestors is rested and from the rich composted soil trees, new trees, new medicine, new knowing springs forth.
I know because it is what is.
I speak from a place of occurrence. A place of occurrence that comes through your dreams and being. This is where you are going.
So tend your precious self with all you know and every weight you feel, and with every chance and every skill you have:
Put. It. Down.
It is well and worth it.
Lay it all down.
You will be more loved and more full that you can imagine, and yet it will, get, and exceed all you have asked and prayed for.
Keep asking, keep praying, in total audaciousness. Ask, pray, want, and then use all your courage to let it come into being now. Let go of doing it right or controlling. Breathe and let it all be healed now.
It is the only place it happens, so relax and let it happen now.
I love you.
We get this. We are this. Listen and let.
In total audaciousness.