Beloveds! We are joined this week again by the incredible Brittany Policastro. Brittany calls in the beauty and potent healing that can be found in ordinary moments. She and Sophia can often be found performing elaborate rituals and those will always have their vital role in healing this world, but there is just as much rich energy in washing dishes when that is the aligned move. These two talk about polyamory and the freedoms it provides as well as the mental reframing that many of us need to do when entering into such spacious agreements. This episode has the ease of two old friends catching up, because that’s what it is. But when those two old friends are such incredible healing powerhouses, we all benefit from listening in.
This conversation is raw and ripe with personal sharing. Do you know that “breakup” “heartache” Sophia keeps making reference to without talking about? She finds space and support to share the dish on it in this episode.
Get cozy, or pumped, or anything in between, maybe you’ll find the exquisite ordinary in your own life as you listen to this sweet episode!
We explore the various definitions of pleasure and how it can help people to release themselves from the conditioning, discomfort, and trauma holding them trapped in ineffective habits that are negatively affecting their relationships, orgasms, pleasure experience, and ability to succeed. We review various ways to heal and learn more about their body and their orgasmic ability.
FULL TRANSCRIPT PROVIDED BELOW
Here’s a little glimpse/ time stamp synopsis:
3:40 – Brittany Policastro was welcomed to the show and Sophia explained how and where they met over 10 years ago.
12:00 – Talked about being silent is a bigger breakthrough.
15:30 – Giving up the paradigm of hierarchy is being “Spiritual” and validity of different paths of healing.
19:30 – Sophia and Brittany discussed cleaning vs straightening in the material world and spiritual world.
25:52 – Exploring the concept of pleasure as a medicine.
29:47 – Understanding and expanding pleasure consciousness.
34:36 – How does trauma significantly impact our nervous system?
43:56 – Sophia opened up her personal story of “breakup” trauma
1:21:00 – Sophia thanked Brittany for joining the show and lets listeners know where they can reach out to her.
Learn more about Devi Ward:
About the guest:
Brittany has been promoting transformation for the past 17 years, demonstrating to others that living a life authentically will look a lot different from what society expects of us. In addition to being polyamorous, kink positive, bisexual, and child free by choice, she is a sexual liberation and relationship coach, a sexologist, a practitioner of authentic Tantra, a writer and a yoga teacher.
Brittany has led thousands of people over the past 16 years in relating differently, releasing the stories that suffocate them, healing the wounds and stigmas that label them, and living an orgasmic genuine life in every way possible. She does this first and foremost for herself, her chosen life partner, and everyone else with whom she walks, and she guides people through their transformation with bravery, confidence, and kindness.
“I am Sophia Wise One: Daughter of the Wind. I am calling you to rise up, rise up, rise up. Rise up and take your place.”
This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Samantha Rise 00:01
I’m Samantha Rise, and welcome to Vagina Talks. Where we speak about to from Vaginas. This is a show of alchemy, where we turn poison into medicine, disconnection into wisdom and isolated wounds into communal peacemaking. Here’s your host, Sophia Wise One.
Vagina Talks Theme Song by Sophia Wise oe 00:20
You already know everything I could teach you. You already know everything I could say. We are here to remind you what you already, already, already know.
Sophia Wise One 00:34
I just want to take a minute to acknowledge that Vagina Talks understands that gender is fluid and dynamic and goes way beyond the binary of either woman or man, she or him. And that, in fact, it’s a living and evolving thing that’s actually personal, person to person. And that our bodies, even our understanding, or the ways that we experience them can vary. It’s important for me that that’s something that has space here on Vagina Talks. And at the same time, I also am carrying this understanding that woman hood and the experience of the feminine and all of the female, in the splitting of that binary, has been injured has been hurt, has been dismantled. And so I’m looking to have a space where the feminine and the female and the female body is reclaimed and respected and lifted and inspected and known, as well as a space that goes beyond the binary. And that acknowledges that these are limited constructs, mostly put upon us, and that we’re in the process of evolving into something more whole and more true. Just wanted to say that some of my guests will use incredibly binary language for whatever reason from the places that they come from. And I just wanted to let you know that Vagina Talks has a much wider understanding, and it’s a living one. So feel free to chime in as we go along. Without further ado, today’s episode. Oh, sweet loves, welcome to Vagina Talks. I’m your host in this moment, they call me Sophia Wise One and I am privileged and honored to join you wherever you may be today. If you’re outside doing yard work if you are curled up in your bed, if you’re driving in a car, wherever you may be. Thank you for having me as company. Glad to be here with you. I am recording this episode again from the lands of a baby world. I talked about in my last episode that both of my sisters had babies, one of them had twins, three weeks apart. So we are newborn, we we get together twice a week currently has been the rhythm so far, we get all the babies and the parents all together twice a week. And we call it baby fast. And it’s baby camp. And it’s the aunt and uncle mom, dad, nibbling jam band. It’s what we’ve been doing. And it has been an incredibly transformative time. For me, the soul medicine of infants of newborns is profound. And I am changing rapidly. And I am in a deep place of curiosity. And I think, I think that shows where I am. And so I just want to kind of we have a guest with us today that I’m just like, so mushy about having on today. So I want to bring her in, we’re just going to kind of stay in this real, real space together, I am going to give her a little bit of a touting introduction. give some credit where credit’s due. Before I give you some of the official breakdown, Brittany and I met over well over 10 years ago now at Studio 34 an incredible community yoga arts healing space in West Philadelphia and we have watched each other grow and transform. We met as powerful teachers, powerful practitioners over a decade ago. I’m like, it’s almost 15 years I think, and and we’ve watched each other really transform and Brittany has just confronted conditioning after conditioning to expand into just a vibrant, powerful leader in what it is to claim your life as a sovereign being. And so I am always inspired and delighted the love runs deep. I’m excited to bring her on today and share her. She’s been on this show before you can go back and it was a great show to go check it out that way. We’ll throw the link out in the show notes. You can see some of the journeys that we’ve taken. But her, her most recent recent revelation present being state is here with us today. So a little bit about her work. Brittany has been facilitating transformation for the past 17 years, while showing others that living your life authentically can often look way different than society expects of us. In addition to being polyamorous, kink positive, bisexual and child free by choice, she is a sexual liberation and relationship coach, a sexologist, a practitioner of authentic Tantra, a writer and a yoga teacher. Over the past 16 years, Brittany has guided thousands of people into relating differently, releasing the stories that stifle them, heal the wounds and stigmas that define them, so that they can live in orgasmic authentic life in every possible way. She does that first and foremost with herself and with her chosen life partner and everyone else she walks with, and she leads people courageously, confidently and kindly in their transformation. Brittany, I love you. Welcome to the show.
Brittany Policastro 05:56
I love you, too. Hello, I’m so happy to be here. That was as I close my eyes and just received that, that was really beautiful. Love you what you shared about our own friendship evolution.
Sophia Wise One 06:09
Yeah, it’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful, too, because I have friends who you have been their yoga teacher. And so there’s, these ways it’s like so sweet. You know, like I have these memories of sitting with some of my friends. And, and they’re talking in their processing. And they’re like, you know, and Brittany says, and Brittany says, you know, like, I’m sitting there. And I’m like, yeah, yeah, you know, there’s like, you know, like, “She’s my teacher.” And I’m like, yeah, I know, you know, she’s a great teacher.
Brittany Policastro 06:37
There’s so many people that are like, “I have you in my head, like I hear your voice in my head and you say this.” like, “Wow! Cool!”
Sophia Wise One 06:44
Brittany Policastro 06:45
Also, listen for your voice, too. Please.
Sophia Wise One 06:49
Always. That’s literally what your voice is. Literally, what you’re saying in their head is like, “I’m here to remind you to listen over here.”
Brittany Policastro 06:56
But this is you’re voice.
Sophia Wise One 06:57
It’s busy, busy in there. It’s busy in there. I’ll say a little bit about that. That’s kind of what I’ll talk about right now for me in this moment. I am. So I’m in this baby land. And one of the things that so like real, like real, real, real quick and dirty. Because I haven’t talked about it a lot on the show. We’ll see how much we get into it today. But it’s like that stuff has been touching me just looking at the subject of just like I was so profoundly transformative, really, in love for a year. And then I was just so demolished for a year in our, in our space and distancing. And our renegotiation and our healing and, and so I’m just kind of coming out of that year and coming into this new, new understanding. And so I had a little bit of that moment of just like, I mean, one of those tender places, you know, when people are talking about like, ecstatic life and satisfying relating, and I’m like, “Oh, it’s tender. It’s tender. It’s tender. Like.
Brittany Policastro 07:55
Sophia Wise One 07:56
I know it’s real. I know it’s real and like I don’t want to talk about it. That’s something else. Don’t tell me your happy stories. And I don’t, I, that comes and goes and I’m feeling way kind of softer about it. But it’s been so interesting, because in this time preparing to come for the babies, I was really meditating on, like, what do I focus on like, because I offered my both families like four to six weeks, like basically like a month or two months, and I will be it, will be close to two months for both of them that I lived in their houses, gave them hands on help with pregnancy and children. And so I was meditating and saying what, like, “What is, what do I, how do i tend my heart, my healing, my womb, my vulva, my vagina, my, my sexuality, my heart, my heart?” I mean, my heart just got, I just rocked bottomed like hard last year. And it was incredibly important. It was so important. But it’s hard. And, and what do I focus on, and the message that I got over and over again, was like focus on the babes. Like, just focus, be present with the babies. And, and so I have, and I’ve really taken that as my medicine, my ceremony has been to be in deep presence. And so I have not talking about the voices in our heads. I have very intentionally not been engaging in long exploration of those voices. It’s been a lot of like acknowledging and then refocusing, and having moments like washing bottles, five in the morning at the sink, and just being like and just having a wave of grief come over, you know, and just being like, okay, and taking three minutes to just like let the tears pour down my face and then take a deep breath and then turn around and like pick up this baby and give it my full focus and just be like, this is it, you know, and just this morning, I was holding one of my niblings, and I was looking at them. And I was like, “Oh my gosh.” I just had this moment of just being like bless you, anyone who listens to the show this love that I have an episode with them, Aaron of Many Names Episode 49 and a half of Vagina Talks. And I said, you know, I’m just so grateful for you. And like the journey, the way that Aaron and I listened to the guidance and the, you know, we basically triggered each other to all get out and then looked at each other and said, I need space. And we got those messages in different ways. But that was kind of in short, what happened. And so I was looking at her and I was like, “Oh, my God, thank God, we listened, like, thank God, we listened.” Because if we hadn’t listened, there would have been all the same lessons, but it would have been so much more difficult to do it, with both of us watching the year that both of us went through the soul medicine. That, that we’ve walked through just being like, “Oh, my God, thank God, I had so much space because I was prepared to be with you.” And I don’t know if I would be with you now, if I hadn’t listened to myself in the past, like, these deep, grateful moments to my past self. So that’s kind of like a little all over the place. But just like just thinking about the voices in our heads and acknowledging and making space, but also choosing the refocus and the trusting and, and it’s been powerful, it’s been really powerful. The babies are five weeks and eight weeks currently. So it’s been two months of newborn heart healing magic, and they just destroy me and all that, all that heart guarding has just been like being pulled off, you know, I just can’t, I, you know, and it’s not like I was trying to keep it in the first place diligently, you know, you know, but just power of powerfully pulling off those shields and just meeting myself. So it’s a little bit where I’m at.
Brittany Policastro 12:00
Yeah, and so there’s a couple of things that stuck out for me with that. One is just this idea of the exquisiteness of ordinary moments, like washing bottles, or, you know, just being present with a child. You know, I had a therapy session a couple weeks ago, where I had done a two, like an hour and a half time masturbation session, which is, you know, very deep medicine and, and then I go to therapy afterwards, virtually right now, because it’s like I’m super tapped in, and it can be, it’s just great. And so, there I may have, it was probably about 20 minutes, where I just sat with my therapist, I like didn’t say anything, and it was amazing. And I’ve never been able to do that. Like I’m always like, “Okay. What am I gonna get out of this? I need to get my money’s worth. What am I going to talk about? When I’m in the process, what am I going to heal, like let’s get this stuff going.” And there was this really powerful moment of me, not needing to do any of that, and not needing to be with all those voices and just sitting, present. And with this other being who, you know, hold space for me and has been for years. And it was such a breakthrough. It was such a breakthrough. And all we did was sit there. So all we did, and it was a, can I carry it? Can I say curse words?
Sophia Wise One 13:31
Brittany Policastro 13:32
And it was a fucking break. I needed to say it, it felt like it needed to come up. It was and then the week after I had like, an even bigger breakthrough, which was different, you know, much different flavor. But like, who knows if I would have been able to have second breakthrough without the first breakthrough of space and presence.
Sophia Wise One 13:53
Brittany Policastro 13:56
Sophia Wise One 13:58
I feel that it’s like, yeah, it’s really moving in me really feel that. The sequence of medicine like that, I think so, and that’s why trusting, like, radical trust in the healing process where it’s like, I’m empty and have no thoughts. It’s like lean in, right? It’s like I’m spilling over with a million thoughts like lean in, like, I’ve feel so quote, unquote, distracted and all I want to do is like, take care of material things. And it’s like, take care of things like that to.
Brittany Policastro 14:25
Sophia Wise One 14:25
Do it! They’re all part of what like living isn’t how we move our energy or move our, our, our even our self perspective, like how the needle of how we experience ourselves or perceive ourselves shifts when we take care of the mundane in our life or sit in silence in a way that we never have, or you know, orgasm 10 times for the first time ever, like in sequence, right? Like we become it, we orient differently to our own self when we, when we do any of these things. And so it’s like, that reorientation that, then creates the opportunity for whatever’s coming next.
Brittany Policastro 15:05
Yes, absolutely. And, you know, I think as healers and the end seekers and people who you know, are on this, this, quote, unquote, when I say quote, unquote, because, you know, it’s, it’s kind of a narrative, like, it’s just, oh, I’m on this path of healing, I’m on this journey. And it’s like, yes. And also, we all are.
Sophia Wise One 15:28
Brittany Policastro 15:29
Because some people just don’t know it. And so you know, it’s like, when I, when, when we identify with that, we almost, it can almost sometimes take us away from it, because then it’s just ego, and then it’s just narrative, and then you know, the, you know, something it’s like, then we can be just become full of shit. Like, you know, because then we’re just, that’s our identity. And so, to recognize that healing can look like many different things, it doesn’t need to always look excruciating, it doesn’t always need to look transcendent. It doesn’t need to look like those things all the time, it can look like washing baby bottles, or sitting and not saying anything, especially when you’re used to saying everything. You know, those moments are really powerful. And I think, especially when we’re in like spiritual and healing communities, I think that recognition of the ordinary is so important.
Sophia Wise One 16:26
I feel like, that’s so important on multiple levels and one of them is like relating. Like, it’s so important, because we, we, there’s like a respect piece. It’s like, can you respect this cousin, brother, friend, neighbor, who is also on a healing journey, there’s as much on a cosmic app as you are, you know, without needing to have it look like right externally in that way. And I feel like, I really embrace the wholeness of that. And like, also, even just recognizing, like, that’s my perspective, like, they might not, they might not even view the world as like healing cosmic evolution. And that’s fine. But if I do, if that’s what I say that I do, then like, there literally is no one who’s left out of that. There’s no hierarchy to it, right?
Brittany Policastro 17:13
Sophia Wise One 17:14
That’s, if that’s what I’m saying. And that’s what I believe into. And like you may have, you know, whoever, like you, someone can have a different perspective of that but for me, it’s like that clear sense if I’m, if I’m looking and saying, this is my spiritual understanding of what is happening here, then, then there isn’t, and that being able to do that for ourselves is huge. It’s really huge. I think, you know, one of the biggest things one of my favorite teachings is like when you feel really stuck, or you’re cycling, or you don’t know what to do with yourself, like literally just clean, like the oldest spiritual trick in the book is sweeping. Like, why do you think witches have brooms, like, because you sweep it out the door, because you click, what is like to just, to just clean, to wipe down a space, to move the energy, to, you know, summon the elements of, of water, and dust, and dirt, and to move that, I think is an incredibly, and it’s so, it can be so grounding, right? Like, bring you back into the body. And sometimes it’s hard to attend for our own body when we’re hurting. And so to tend for our extended body, is to tend our, you know, physical space. And I know that this is true is a profound practice because I think a lot of us know there’s a much more strong narrative in the like, mental health, spiritual health world of people that are obsessive cleaners that are over, over, which is over which is a, an overuse of a medicine. Right, like, obsessively cleaning they get out of their body by, by taking this medicine, right. Like, that’s like, what they’re doing. And so it’s like, the same thing as just being like, so, you know, there’s no, there’s no better than less than, like, dirty, not dirty, right? Or like cleaning, not cleaning. It’s like how are we relating to even that practice? But to remember the simplicity and the potency of it? I think it’s a really, it’s been a powerful tool in my, in my box over the years.
Brittany Policastro 19:17
That’s beautiful. Yeah. It’s funny because I, whenever I clean, I always feel better, but I’m very resistant to it. Yeah.
Sophia Wise One 19:30
Are you a cleaner like, like, when you say clean? Does that mean? Like, I have soap and water? And I’m like, like, like, dusting things down or like scrubbing the steps or once you say clean, do you mean like, I took all the papers and put them in a pile? Or like I cleaned the counter and I shoved everything in a drawer, like what is your, I don’t know if you can tell my judgment in those statements. But I’m just curious when you say clean, what are we talking about?
Brittany Policastro 19:55
So to me, the, the ladder is straighten and I, so I have right as straightening and organizing. Yeah. I kick ass at that. But like dusting, I will clean a bathroom more like over dusting. I am like, I do not like to dust. And so and I don’t, I don’t know what it is about it but I’m just like so that to me is cleaning like dusting scrubbing the bathroom. And you know scrubbing the floor, getting out that sliver that is cleaning in the, in the, in the sense.
Sophia Wise One 20:02
Brittany Policastro 20:27
Cleaning, cleaning, straightening, straightening out. I’m great at straightening. And now you know what’s really funny is that I so you know, my partner and I were polyamorous. And so sometimes we have people over partners that come over, and that that’s when I clean. Which is so interesting, because there’s so much to like relate to see about that is like, I basically clean for other people, right?
Sophia Wise One 20:59
Brittany Policastro 21:00
Now, do I do other things for other people? I’m very, I’m very like connected to myself in my own needs. But when it comes to house cleaning, it’s like, oh, like, you know, new babies coming over? Oh, this is a really great time for me to clean my shower. I always laugh. I’m like, this is what keeps my house clean. And so now, I’m like going over to the new baby’s house and like, shit, my house is never gonna get clean again.
Sophia Wise One 21:29
That’s very funny.
Brittany Policastro 21:31
Sophia Wise One 21:32
I think that’s an interesting thing, right? Because it’s like, is it the, is it perception? Or is it also just like preference, like you just don’t need, I know people like that. Like, it just doesn’t, you know, yeah, it just doesn’t bother me or it does bother me or whatever. It’s something that I, I, once I started really regularly cleaning is 100% when I, when I was married, and my wife cleaned things, I realized that ,I I was now, let’s see, the first time I learned that I really liked living in a clean space was when I moved to North Carolina. I knew no one. I was doing distant learning school. And I like didn’t have a job. So I was bored all the time. Oh, hold on. I was really bored. And it was also really depressed. And so I would like do everything that I had to do. I would like do my homework. And I would like, I like one client, I would like, see my one client and then I would like, I was like, what do I do? I go for a bike ride. And I’m like, now what I do, I’m like, well, I’ll clean again. And so I like, I would like clean. I had the cleanest apartment of my entire life. And I think that’s when I first realized that I enjoyed living in a, in a, in like a more meticulously clean place. Like I have never prioritized it for myself. It just didn’t, it wasn’t like a thing, you know? And then, and then, I knew that I liked it. And then, when I married someone who also know this, you know what? This whole story is completely falling apart. I’m like, no, because I’m the cleaner. I got you as a straightener. And like most of my friends are straighteners, like, that’s like a thing and then I’m like, okay, it looks clean, but it’s not the shits dirty. I’m like, no, I’ve always been a cleaner. That’s 100%. I’m not really a straightener. I’m more of a straightener now. That’s what it is. I think that’s what I learned. I’ve always been a cleaner. I’ve always been like, that shits dirty. I mean, I don’t know what always is but I think straighteners what I’ve learned to appreciate the declutter. Somebody told me once that, like, the state of your bedroom was a reflection of the state of your mind. Like the, like how your stuff is, like, to organize or disorganize. And it was like a boon curse, you know? Because then I would like, look at my room and be like, “Oh my god! I must be a mess inside.” You know, but I could also like, it would make me panic. But then I also can like, look at my room and be like, oh, and then I can like I use it as a meditative practice. So instead of like holding on to it as a truth, it’s like I use it as a perspective that can help me, but I do know when I’m blissed out, I don’t give a shit about shit being dirty or clean. That’s like, lots of good sex. It’s like no, I don’t care at all. I don’t care about that.
Brittany Policastro 24:13
No, I always need straighten. I always need things to feel straight but clean. I’m like, yeah. Although, if I’m at someone else’s place, I will clean their house. It’s very interesting. I like to clean other people’s places. That’s I feel like, that’s like, more of like the like. It’s like, that’s like kink, a kink thing. Like a submissive in me likes to clean other people’s houses.
Sophia Wise One 24:34
I know other people like that. I can say that. That’s yeah. That’s the thing.
Brittany Policastro 24:39
It’s not even in a sexual sweat. I mean, that’s also what is quite nice. But even just, like if we put a context of kink on it, that’s also amazing. But also just be like, I’m gonna do all your dishes and I’m gonna clean, I’m gonna clean your house. There’s something that I, like I think I, I, I love that but when it’s home, I’m like, no.
Sophia Wise One 25:05
I feel like we’ve planted things, I’m like, in two years, I’m going to be like, what’s it like cleaning and straitening in your house now? We’ll check back in and see where we are.
Brittany Policastro 25:14
The evolution. Like there’s so many metaphors of this. It’s really funny.
Sophia Wise One 25:19
Yeah, it gets really… Yeah, it gets really, goes really far. I want to hear you talk a little bit about we did, in case anyone’s wondering we did, you know, it’s like what… Like we didn’t talk about some stuff we might talk about on this show. But I’m wondering about, like, thinking about this, it’s striking that place of like pleasure, right? This idea of pleasure and I’d love to just hear you, you’ve just been in such a deep study and deep exploration of pleasure as medicine.
Brittany Policastro 25:46
Sophia Wise One 25:47
I just love to hear you speak on that a little bit. If you tell me what, yeah, you’ve been experiencing and learning?
Brittany Policastro 25:52
Sure. So, you know, I think my experience of pleasure has shifted over the years. In my experience, just by watching the world and the people in it, especially in in western society, and western culture, pleasure is identified in very specific ways. Oftentimes, when I see this with clients, like, pleasure is seen as extravagant. Pleasure is oftentimes seen just in like a sexual realm, like, oh, yeah, pleasure means something to do with like sex and not necessarily. You know, it, pleasure is not something that heals. That’s what a lot of people say, like they, like a lot of people can’t even wrap their minds around that like, oh, like, no, like, pleasure is something that like I would do if I had the time, but I don’t have the time so I’m not going to do it, or, you know, guilty pleasures, I don’t believe in guilty pleasures, I think if something’s giving you pleasure, then you can experience those feelings of guilt, but then it will serve you to move through them. Because if something gives you pleasure, like who gives a shit what anyone else thinks about it, as long as it’s really serving you. And so, you know, that’s what I see it in the reference of pleasure. I’ve been someone who’s always sought out pleasure. And I think knowing more about the healing properties of pleasure, I’m able to see that more now that like, oh, like, I’ve like just little things like, this meal would be even more delicious if it had more salt. So I’m gonna ask for more salt. Like, I’m not going to worry about being a pain in the butt with this server. As long as I’m kind of that it because like, I want my experience of eating this food, which is super pleasurable for me, orgasmic even to be at, at a 10 because I’m worthy of that. And so, you know, that’s something I’ve always connected to, in the sense of like, why not? Like, these are my needs, this is what brings me joy. Why wouldn’t I ask for that? If someone says, “No,” that’s their right. And that’s okay. But like, I’m going to, I’m going to seek out that pleasure. An example I always use, which I love, is in referencing to this idea of a 10 spot, right? Just having this, this in any given moment, like even in this moment, like we’re on scale, and this is the 10 spot was something that was created by David Ward, who is the creator of authentic contrast the school in which I studied. And it’s, this idea that like, in any given moment, what do I, what do I feel like where am I on my, on my, on my pleasure scale. 1 being like not really experiencing any, 10 being like I am completely content in my relationship with pleasure in this moment. And one little funny thing that always comes up for me is when I’m in bed, reading and drinking tea, and it’s always friction, that in these moments of deep pleasure, I have this pillow, which has like these little gel tabs in it and which probably isn’t the best for the environment so I’m acknowledging that in this moment. But this state in time, I love this frickin pillow. And I have three pillows because I love pillows and so sometimes that pillow is not the pillow under my head. Right? Sometimes it’s another pillow, which is okay, but like I know in this moment, I’m like if this other jelly pillow which stays cool and is amazing was under my head. I would be higher up that pleasure scowling know it. And so then I’m like, okay, well then that means I have to like, pull out the pillow and pull it and the other pillow and push the other pillow aside. I have to do all this stuff. There’s an effort to get to that pleasure. Do I want to do that every time? I’m like, fuck yeah, I want to do it. Yes, I want that because I want pleasure. And I use an example because I just love telling that story because I think it’s really funny but be, because it’s so mundane. It’s a frickin pillow. Like we don’t think like that when we think about pleasure, we think about these big things, you know, like a big sexual experience or a deeply spiritual experience or you know, things that are ecstatic and that’s not only what pleasure is. Pleasure is way more than that pleasure is choosing to flip the pillow because it feels really good in that moment. Pleasure is asking for more salt pleasure is asking for a need to be met because you’re going to feel safer. That is pleasure. And understanding that and expanding our consciousness, our pleasure consciousness, in a world, you know, that has in a society that has puritanical roots. And really, we started out from a space that pleasure is extraneous, pleasure is wrong, we should feel guilty about it. That we need to work hard. You know, it’s, it’s we brag more about not getting enough rest and, and being workhorses that we do about experiencing deep and beautiful pleasure. And so there is a lot of fallacy around pleasure and what it can do, when in reality, pleasure is deeply healing, like, scientifically speaking, it’s deeply healing. And so when we are experiencing pleasure, all those healthy chemicals that allow us to be really like, handle our stress, and be connected, functioning humans come into play, right? We receive those chemicals, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. Those come, those come in to our bodies and higher dosages. And the really cool thing is that we’re experiencing high states of sexual arousal, like extended states of sexual arousal, not like you know, like the two second orgasm, but like extended states of really a body and our pleasure, that those chemicals increased by 300 to 400%. Right? And so that is… Right? Exactly. Like people don’t know this shit. And so what happens is that, in those states, our brain is firing all the pieces, right? All those three main pieces of the brain are firing, and the brain becomes more malleable. And so what this means is that we can start to use pleasure as a rewiring and a re patterning of our neural pathways and our own our nervous system. Right? And so this, this is the physiology of, of pleasure, which most people don’t, you know, I love the science behind things, because I think that it can really be an anchor to root us in a reality of ourselves. And, for me, I look at everything in the lens of, of the nervous system, because that really is why we are the way we are, how we feel, how we react to how we act in relationships. And so pleasure can help to create shifts in in a really beautiful way. It’s really sustainable. It’s a slow process of starting to learn how to relax our bodies into feeling pleasure, into realizing that we are worthy of feeling pleasure, not just sexually, but spiritually, emotionally, physically, essentially, that there’s so many different ways. And so that’s, in a nutshell, how and why pleasure is medicine and why I am so like, I don’t know why I want to use this word keen as she pushes up her class. Keen on really spreading that message and embodying that myself and encouraging those that I love to do the same.
Sophia Wise One 29:47
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I’ve thanked you. I have my brain is going a couple different places. So one, one of them is like, do you have more science to drop on us? It’s like, that’s like, yeah, that’s one thing that I think, yeah, we’ll go there. I’ll go there. Tell us, tell us, push. Tell us some more still similar. Chemical stats, I don’t know.
Brittany Policastro 34:36
Yeah. I mean, so we can talk a little bit about, about some of these chemicals, right? So because what happens is that when we experience trauma, some of these the receptors for these chemicals can be damage, right? And so you know, dopamine, for example, right? So dopamine ensures life supporting behavior, okay, or serotonin, it gives us those like cuddly warm feelings or oxytocin, that actually is when someone who has a baby, you know, is breastfeeding, right? What happens that, that comes out that oxytocin comes out? Right? It’s that healthy attachment and bonding, right? And so trauma can impede us from experiencing these chemicals in the doses that were meant to just regularly in life. And then really interesting, what can happen, and, and we see oftentimes addictions, as, you know, sources of deep shame. But really, it’s our nervous systems being like, well, I’m not getting this anymore. And so I need it some other way. And so a lot of times, that’s why addictions will form because they’re trying to get those, those doses. Right? The issue with that is that it’s not sustainable, right? It’s not a sustainable way to, to get those doses. And what happens is that we need more, and we need more, and then that’s how addictions form. Right? So if there’s way more nuance to that, absolutely. But in you know, the quick and dirty of that is, that’s what happened. Right? And so, and so with the concept of pleasure of bringing in pleasure, is that it’s a more sustainable approach, because what pleasure does is it can help to regulate a dysregulated nervous system. Right? And so why are we dysregulated? Because of our trauma, and it’s really important to recognize that there is yes, there is shock, trauma, there’s developmental trauma, but there’s trauma that, you know, a, we might not remember. And there’s also trauma that we just might not think is a trauma, but our bodies do. It doesn’t really matter what our brains think, because that’s not where trauma is held. Trauma is held in our bodies somatically. Right? And so, we need to recognize that, I mean, you know, the the famous phrase that issues are in the tissues is very, very real and a great catchphrase. Hey, but it’s, it’s true. And so, you know, that’s, it’s, it’s all about, again, you know, I really should have…
Sophia Wise One 37:24
I want to say something, because I think this is really important to highlight, because I think, a lot of especially for people with vulva owners, especially for people that are socialized as female, or caregivers in general, is to when something upsets us, upsets our system, upsets our body, we this, this is kind of that term gaslighting or other things like, that we get rationalized out of why it affects us, we get given the stories and the constructs and the frameworks for why it did not impact us. Why it didn’t? And, and this fundamental understanding of like it did, right?
Brittany Policastro 38:01
Sophia Wise One 38:01
It did. And like, and yes, there are ways that when we can retell a story, we can hurt ourselves more. So we need to be careful about how we use our nervous system in that way. And yet, this place of the simplicity of like, I, one of these things that I always say is feelings don’t tell you the truth about a situation. They tell you the truth about how you feel about a situation.
Brittany Policastro 38:25
Sophia Wise One 38:26
Right? So it’s like I just wanted to, because you said that, I just think that’s so important of just being like wait, wait, wait, wait. What does that mean? It means, you know, you can even think yourself, whether it’s an external source that’s told you, “No, that shouldn’t bother me.” Meanwhile, your tummy, stomach is tight, your heart is racing, your shoulders are up by your ears. It’s like, okay, no, this is bothering me, right? Like this is bothering me. And the acceptance that is bothering you doesn’t mean that you have to validate or perpetuate the stress response.
Brittany Policastro 38:59
Sophia Wise One 38:59
In fact, it actually empowers your body to release the stress response by acknowledging that it is having a stress response. Whereas negating the stress response, as it shouldn’t happen, is where it actually those, those things don’t get processed, and they go literally into the tissues, then they go into the body, then they’re somatically locked in, when they can have a chance to be acknowledged. And I just like you named that and I was just like, oh my god, you just it’s such a thing. It’s such a thing. And I think that’s really important right now in the world that we’re in this massive acceleration that’s happening collectively is that a lot of people are doing a lot and being at home so much has allowed space. Kind of in, in spite of themselves, for people to have somatic releases of past of past traumas coming up, as well as an additional traumatic, shared traumatic experience that people are having. And so both the experience have the space to process the past as well as the current. Sometimes the not the space actually that the overlying stress factor that we try to pretend or get by can interfere. So I don’t wanna go too far. I, you were, I didn’t want to take you off track.
Brittany Policastro 40:11
No, that’s good. That’s good. Yeah. You know, and I, what I, what came up for me with that, which is an example of have this idea that like, our minds might be okay with something in our bodies or not. And so I’m gonna use an example from just my experience with polyamory as someone who is, has an anxious attachment style, right? And so for me, when any other partner other than my, my anchor partner who I lived with, because there was much more safety there up together for 10 years, but if I have another partner, if that partner has, if they have a partner already in place, I’m fine. But if they get a new partner, there’s a lot of fear that comes up for me. And I was experiencing this with the man and I’ve been seeing for the past five months, and we’ve been navigating that. And at first he was like, okay, yes, there’s jealousy here. And this is jealousy. And there’s nothing wrong with jealousy as long as we recognize not to project it onto someone else, right? But I actually was like, okay, yes, externally, this looks like jealousy. But actually, this is trauma. It’s trauma showing up as jealousy. Sure, right. But to just say that it’s jealousy and to treat it like that isn’t helpful for me.
Sophia Wise One 41:42
Brittany Policastro 41:43
Or for either of us? Because that he’s just thinking, Okay, my partner’s jealous, like, how can we help her not be jealous or be with that or whatever, right? But when in reality, you know, if I, you know, get a text message about one specific thing, and instantly within an instant, I, emotion comes up, I, my heart starts to clench, my blood pressure rises, and I feel like I’m, you know, the most unsafe I felt.
Sophia Wise One 42:13
Brittany Policastro 42:13
That’s trauma response. That’s just, I’m, I’m having a sad and feeling jealous, you know, like, that’s not that, even though if that was it, that’s okay, too. But it wasn’t, right? And so that’s the difference, because my mind is like, everything’s cool. I’m polyamorous, additional partners. This is literally what I signed up for. But the child inside of me is like, no way, this is unsafe, I’m going to lose this person, I need to feel safe. And I’m going to try to control the shit out of this person so that I feel safe. And of course, whenever we try to do that, right, it’s, it’s a big sign that we need to take care of ourselves. Right? But that’s just this example of, you know, and again, like I wasn’t being gaslit.
Sophia Wise One 43:07
Brittany Policastro 43:08
I was being acknowledge, but not at the depth, because he didn’t know that. How would he? That’s my responsibility to step up and be like, actually, it’s this. Now, if I shared that and he was like, bullshit. Well, then, you know, we would have other issues. That’s a bye bye. That’s it. But that’s not what happened.
Sophia Wise One 43:31
Brittany Policastro 43:32
It was this, oh. There was this curiosity. There is this, I don’t. What, what does this mean, right?
Sophia Wise One 43:39
Right. How do we navigate this?
Brittany Policastro 43:41
How do we navigate this? Because I didn’t think of it like this, right? And this can happen with all kinds of stuff where we gaslit ourselves because our minds are saying one thing. Our minds are like no, like, I’m okay with this. I’m okay.
Sophia Wise One 43:56
Oh my god. Okay. So this is I’m totally going to talk about Aaron and I parted ways. This is, this is, this is that episode where I get to talk about I’ve just vague references for a year. For anyone listening to the show, this is I don’t want to talk about it for holding, this is my, this is the perfect response. Because what happened was, we literally did what we signed up to do, as we intentionally created a law. A bit intention was a long term open, like, basically, like, you know, we came together from this place of like, where I’m not looking to trying to make a primary partner, you know, like to create a strong, deep, long term intimacy, speaking our needs like, and with this idea of like, end, life is a long time and the space to come and go. That was 100% part of what we built and part of the reason that we built that together was because that was what I was coming in really strong with of just being like, this is who I am, this is what I need. And so we built this, I mean, we spent 11 months deeply intentional like resource, support people, practice prayer, all of these things to say like, okay, like, speak our voices experience like deep, deep intimacy, deep bonding, and also like, like this, this freedom experience, right? But two things happened. One is talking about that we change, as I actually for the first time felt this experience of complete permission to be myself. The desire to have a positive, healthy attachment. I, my therapist helped me she was like, it sounds like you want a joyful, a joyful dependence. Like, there was this way in which I was like I was, so I was like, because I was I went to Montana in July, I was by myself. And for the first time in my life, I was standing. It was so beautiful. And I was standing there and I, there was no expectation anywhere, like on the planet, like, I had no clients. I had, everyone in my family just knew that I was off on this journey. I felt free from obligation to my family and ever I mean, I can’t even describe like, free in a way that I pursued feeling free. Like I thought it was impossible. And I stood there and I was like, I’m free. Like, I have all this freedom and like, I’m free from obligation and free from exploitation, even from myself, like I have this freedom. And then on this journey, on this day, I was driving, and I took this road too far, five miles too far, and hit a mudslide, it was okay. Mud slip, turned around, went back to. I literally had a panic attack. Got out of the car, it was squatting. And I was like I’m having a panic attack. I was like, I’m in the middle of Montana with no cell phone service. I could die like I’m not kidding. Like, this is stupid. I was like, I, this was stupid. This is stupid. I was stupid. This was a stupid choice. I’m having a panic attack. And I stood up straight in my spine. And I said, I don’t have to have a panic attack. And I took like, all these breaths. And I used every two school skill I’ve learned in all of my years of practice, and I reset my system. And I got back in the car. And I was like, I checked in with my guides and was like, I can do this. Like, I got to go ahead, turned around, drove out. So huge adrenaline drop into my body of just being like, I’m good, I could die. And you know that. So I go back, I set up camp. And I’m in my tent. And wind comes, really big wind comes and I think I should take the, I should take the fly off. There’s a, this is a lot of wind. And I’m like, it’s just so nice to lay down for a minute. It’s been a big day. And within minutes, seconds, I don’t know, the wind picked up my tent pulled 10 out from the stick entirely lifted me up and threw me on the floor. And I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. I was like, This is insane. And then I got up and I started taking on the tent because I was like it was just too windy. Like this is just craziness. And I was sitting there. And all I could think with a second adrenaline dump of I’m in date like I am in physical danger, mortality danger here, like I’m next to water, like this tent could have taken me into, like scary like I am again, alone nowhere. Like it’s intense. And, and two things went through me and one was I wanted to be near my siblings that were having that were pregnant. I was like, I want to be with these babies. And I want to see this love. I just want to know where they are, I want to know they’re safe. Like, I just wanted to see Aaron. And I stood there and I was like I’m so free. It’s so beautiful. I don’t want to lose this freedom. But like, “Fuck. I don’t want it alone.” Like if it comes, like if it comes, like I’m willing to trade a little bit of this to get the rest of what I want if I have to. And what I know is that I don’t even have to trade it. I get to keep this freedom and just add these things back in. But it was this deep empowered place of complete choice of being like I would trade some of this freedom to have. And what I said to myself was I said I said, “God, I will keep going where you want me to go? I will do the things you tell me to do but I am done doing stupid shit by myself.” I want company for my dumb shit. Like what I said. It was like so huge. It was so yeah, it was just like epiphany, you know? And so what happened in this like we, we, you know, Aaron and I built this foundation where I felt so free and then I realized that I I didn’t want to be free like that. I wanted something else like and so you know, so in this transition with Aaron and I, I was feeling all these urges being like, Oh my god, and we were finding ourselves, like we kept making all these choices. And I was like, these are some real primary partner choices that we’re making, like we’re really kind of doing this thing, you know. And then both of us kind of walked in, it was last December and kind of looked around, and it was both of us kind of had our trauma responses going off and working in and working it and came to this place and, and, and on New Year’s Eve day, I gave them a Reiki session. And while I was giving them a Reiki session, I heard if you love something, let it go. And when they came out of their Reiki session, I said, “How was your session?” And he said, “Great.” And I said, “Is there anything you want to share?” Andhe said, “I gotta do this next part on my own.” And I was like, okay, you know, and so that was our, that was our quote, unquote, like breakup not breakup, like, okay, like, we’re just need to do it now. Like, I’m gonna go for a month, we’ll check back in, you know, and it was just like they just needed, the more space they got, the more space they needed, you know. The more space they got and the more space they needed, the more my trauma responses came up, that we’re not about them. Now, we’re not about them. And so that was my rock bottom, you know, when I hit March, that was December. When I hit March, I was just stripped to this core and having the practices that I had, you know, masturbation, meditations, and deep like daily practices, and much I mean, all the tools, all the tools. Deep, deep ceremony. Finishing the, the game and the book, and all of that stuff, like doing all of that creative work, like massive medicine ceremony, like all the things, right? Gave me enough space around the trauma, to let it keep unfolding. And so I just went like, deeper and deeper and deeper and it took months for me to get into this hollowed bottom, you know, and I was hollowed. I was just hollowed. And what happened inside that hollow was actually a, my soul signature. My SOT, no, my truest self. This energy field that I had been working with a new so deeply and entirely for 15 years changed its frequency. For the first time ever, in all of the work that I’ve done, I like went in to find my center, and it was a different color, a different frequency. I was like, holy shit, this is like a different, it’s a different soul. Like I, I, and I have not talked about this much at all. That was over a year ago, it was February of 2020, that I had this experience and I had this experience over the past year of really like this, this self of like, I have the self that now I have to completely like find out like who and what she isn’t it felt evolutionary, like in terms of a continuation of who I was. But I also literally felt like I would say, I was like, I feel like I’m possessed by my true self. Like, I felt like I was saying things and doing things that were the right thing and in alignment, but they were different from who I was before. And all of these things have changed. Like all of these things have changed so much. And yeah, so that’s the, so that, that’s the stuff. That’s, this is when I tell the story of like, in your mind, right, I was like, literally, this is everything I asked for. I was like we’re gonna do like, I want a relationship where we like, take care of ourselves. When our trauma gets too big. We don’t make it anyone else’s responsibility. We take space where, you know, we come and we go. It’s a long game. There’s so much love and affection. And this human, yeah, we spent six weeks here and not talking to each other or three months. They’re not talking to each other. But we talked throughout the year periodically and with as much love and respect as either of us could. I don’t want to say that with love and respect with as much presence as either of us could muster while we were in our trauma cycles, right?
Brittany Policastro 54:10
Sophia Wise One 54:10
We were not particularly available. But to the degree that we were, we showed up with love and care and respect as best we could. And that’s what it was like, that’s what that year was and, and then they actually, I think both of us landed in our bodies in a completely different way. We reconnected in this new year. And it’s like, just looking at being like, I’m holding a baby and they had this huge breakthrough with themselves like a huge, huge breakthrough that was like, of course, like of course, you know, just being like, yeah, like we had to go like we had to go that way. You know. And so it’s like that place of like, even while it was happening, all of it was happening. I was like this is literally what I asked for. This is everything I want. My brain was like this is literally a checklist of what you said you were here for and my body was trembling. My hormones were all over the place and those. When you said damage, we talked about the kind of the receptors being damaged that really struck me right now because I think anyone who’s ever struggled with, with that kind of hormone regulation, knows the feeling of like, it feels like I’m deaf. Like, it feels like it doesn’t, the system’s not working. Like that feeling of like, it feels like it’s a little broke. But it’s like, it’s not that I’m broken, but like, the system isn’t working. That language really struck me today when he shared it.
Brittany Policastro 55:37
Sophia Wise One 55:40
Thanks for listening.
Brittany Policastro 55:42
Absolutely. And that was beautiful. Yeah, yeah.
Sophia Wise One 55:53
Wow. Oh, Brittany.
Brittany Policastro 56:02
Sophia Wise One 56:02
Look at us. I think everybody’s listening. There it is. There’s the fill in. There’s the like, what exactly, what exactly happened? It’s like, I got what I wanted and I hated it. And, and I learned, and I learned a lot of trauma. And you know, and one of the things that happened this summer, I was playing my own game, my own card game with a, with a friend of mine. It was so fun. We were just kind of, it was early evening, and we’re like, what do we want to do? We don’t want to watch a movie. We don’t anything. And she was like, oh Keeta Lee. Because we have an episode from the summer. A great episode with Keeta Lee on Medicine Caller, which I think is also on here on both my, of two podcasts, but there’s like 8 episodes that are on both podcast. Anyway, so just so good to lose on both shows, but are staying with Keeta Lee. And, and, and, and she was like, “Let’s play your game.” And so it was us and like a like a 10 year old. And and we played this game and, and so we pulled a card and, and the exercise was confession session. So everyone went around and, and told couldn’t finish the statement of like, the thing that I’m like willing, the thing that I’m scared of but I’m willing to admit right now is you know, and I sat there and I was like, the thing is and I, you know, this sweet, sweet little my sweet little body like welling up with tears, you know, just as a finish the statement just being like, I want to get married again. It feels like tears streaming down my face and just being like, whoa, like holy shit, like my own story of like I’m not allowed to want that. Like I’m not I’m like I don’t want to do it like I did before. Legally wrong about what crumble ideas, ideas, but this, this admittance to myself of like, once I had tapped into this experience of relating where I felt like I got more of myself and not less of myself, I was like, oh, I, I, I want this it was like a huge, it’s such an interesting, it’s like I had so much shame about it meant admitting that I was polyamorous and then like, all the shame of admitting that I wanted to have a union marriage or wedding or a union. All these words feel like outdated and inaccurate and like describing something that I’m not talking about. Yeah, yeah. I don’t know. My brain just went like a million other places, but I’m gonna just kind of let them go that way. Yeah. I don’t know. No. What do you want? What do you want to say?
Brittany Policastro 58:41
I’m just holding the space right now. No, I feel pretty clear. I feel like my, I feel like my work here is done.
Sophia Wise One 59:00
I’ve done my part. Yeah, that’s how I feel. Yeah, I’m like, I feel like I could just like keep rambling down the thing. I’m just being like, yeah.
Brittany Policastro 59:06
Yeah. I feel like, I feel like that I was really happy to bear witness to that story and to that expression of your, your time. And I, yeah, I don’t really, I don’t want to add, add anything to that. Because that’s, like, I want to keep that as your as yours. You know, and not be like, oh, well, this makes me think of this. And you know, and I think sometimes we do that. To try to make sense of things and I think it’s okay, but what I’m feeling in this moment is just, it’s just like, which feels like a big deal for me. It’s just like, I don’t have to add anything. And I’m still worthy.
Sophia Wise One 59:58
Oh, yeah. All right.
Brittany Policastro 1:00:02
Yeah, I have to be anything else I couldn’t just be listening is such a gift.
Sophia Wise One 1:00:08
That’s such a gift. It’s such a gift. And the thing that I think I want my, like my own, maybe combination, like I said, like, what are all these things, but I think I’ll bring it right down to like where I am right now this week with this, which is that I was sitting out in the sunshine with a sleepy baby. And I was having one of those moments where I was like what am I doing? Like what am I doing? What am I doing? Like what are you asking of me? Like what universe? Like what is this? What’s coming next, right? Like in this, you’re showing me all these pieces, all this energy is coming to me, all these things are lining up but I have all these invitations and offers right now but I don’t have clarity around decisions, right? Like, like, where I’m going with it. And so the message that I got was, you know, visit your future self. Go ask her for some advice on the situation. So, you know, mind you, with all the time travel business, you want to be really mindful when you go to vision a future self because you have many future selves. So I was specific to go see my like optimally, my optimal impact self, my one smile, joyful, you know, the fulfilling what she came here for that self. What did she have to say to me about what was happening? And she said a couple things of me but the biggest thing that I came away with that I want to share that feels like so on theme for what it is, is when I was just kind of asking her my questions are just kind of even lifting up these aren’t even questions, lifting up these things that I was considering. And she said, I don’t remember what it was. She said something and then I said something back and she said, “Yes”, you’re beginning to get it. You’re beginning to like, yes, yes, yes, are beginning to get it. And then I said something else and she said, “Your desire is the solution.”
Brittany Policastro 1:02:06
Sophia Wise One 1:02:06
The desire is the solution. My desire is the solution. And so I’ve been in this deep contemplation recently around what it is to be an expansive peace and acceptance of that. Not in conflict with my desire, or even getting a solution, right, like all of the elements of of that, that, that principle of of the sacredness of desire, but to really like that, which is like, yeah, you’re now you’re beginning to get it like your desires, not the problem. That’s not the problem. The desire is the solution. Specifically, when I’m talking about my ultimate impact on this world being, you know, how do I show up and move my energy through this world? Like, I have a lot of it. You know, and I want to put it towards things. And I’ve been thinking about pleasure going back to the mundane, the pleasure and happiness, being at baby camp, right with my siblings, and these little babies and being like it’s not confusing. Humans are not hard to, like, have pleasure. Like, we, no, we are not like overly complicated and burdensome things. We are like very, it’s like, wow, we have food on the table and company with people that love and respect us and support when we need an extra hand and there is joy here, like legitimate joy. And I was sitting here going, it doesn’t take a lot to be happy. And I said, Yes. And yet, there’s so many people that don’t know how to have the day that I just had. And so much world that doesn’t, there’s so much in the world that fights our ability to, for every person to have that.
Brittany Policastro 1:03:43
Yeah, for so many reasons.
Sophia Wise One 1:03:44
For so many reasons, like so many. Big, big, big cut, like all that stuff. And so that, that question for me of going, okay, the simplicity of my happiness in my home that I’m grateful for that, like, may I, oh, may I just savor that for the rest of my life, right, the way that I’ve like a hard one to just be like, wow, I’m just happy. This is a happy day. Right? Like, my, my, my, my hormones, being regulated enough, having receptors and having the hormones and having them meet each other is a huge victory. Like I had to repair my system to do that, you know, multiple times over. And so to have that, and then just be like, okay, but now that I have it, how do I contribute to the world more of the world having it? Like I don’t want to just sit here and say, Well, I’m happy, that’s good enough, I could, and I really had that moment, Brittany, of like, it would be enough for the world, even if I just did like this sense of worthiness, right, of like the happiness and the peace of it and like, like a guilt free aspect of that. And this inspiration and this asking of being like, and I’m here and the how like, like how is that coming into the world. So yeah. So I don’t know if you want to say something, but I have a question for you. So do you want to say something? Do you want me to ask you question?
Brittany Policastro 1:05:06
Oh, no. Ask me the question.
Sophia Wise One 1:05:07
My question is, so I’m in this place of great consideration of how it is that I’m going to be offering that in addition to my shows, I keep making my shows. So that, that feels right, so that, that part feels clear. And I have some other things. But uh, so those things are in consideration, I look forward to sharing those with people when I have them. And it’s like a perfect thing. I know, you literally just released one of your offerings to help people restore into the world, your clarity, your, you’ve come into immense clarity and power around. You’re contributing to restoring this, and I would love to hear about that, like whatever you want to share about that in terms what the offer is, or how you got there? Or, you know, both?
Brittany Policastro 1:05:51
Yeah. So um, yeah, so I just recently launched a new business that feels like it was in the making for, for many, many years, even though I didn’t actually understand and was, was stalling for a while, I think, which sometimes we need to do that before we get to where you need to be. But it’s, it’s really more focused now on I call it sexual liberation, so sexual liberation coaching, sexology, sex education, and specifically under a, the authentic Tantra, which is rooted in Tibetan Tantra, 2600 year lineage modality, right?And so about two years ago, I started on this new journey of focusing more on, on sexuality and, and, and how, and specifically using the medicine of Tantra and I don’t, I don’t talk about like in media and things like that I don’t talk a lot about the Tantra because it’s, to me, it’s that secret. And I think it needs to be experienced more than talked about but and so really, what I what I present is this idea that we, that sexuality and pleasure and our relationship with our bodies, and specifically our genitals is profound and can be really healing. And I dove, dove more deeply into my purpose of recognizing that, that is, what I want to how I want to serve is by really using myself as example, which I always have, I’ve always, you know, I’ve been in this kind of world of healing for about 17 years. And for a long time, it was through, you know, vinyasa yoga, and, and then the more physical, physical yoga practice. And what I’m doing now is still yoga but it’s just, it’s just different. And there is this, there’s just been this evolution of my own sexuality and my own connection to myself, and I’ve been coaching for a while and doing all this work. But now, it’s just so much more aligned, it feels so much more aligned of that, like this is where I want to go, which is, you know, helping people understand their sexuality, their sexual experience, their sexual expression, normalizing things around their bodies, normalizing things around their fantasies, around their kink around the relationship styles that they want to have, like holding that space for them to recognize that there are relationships with themselves, with their bodies, with other people with kink, all of those things are sacred, and are theirs and they can express them anywhere that they want. And so it’s starting to really release a lot of the conditioning that we have around being a truly sexual and sovereign being. And so that’s why I call it sexual liberation because I do deeply believe that that’s what it is, and that we can go there from that lens of, of sex and sexuality. And so I offer coaching one on one and then I also offer group programs. In the program I have coming up soon is, I call it sexual liberation for vulva owners so it’s for anyone that has a vulva and the reason why I presented in that way is because there are practices that have to do with the genitals, right? And so, you know, in order to be in the course, you do have to have a vulva because that’s the practices that we talk about, right? And so, this, this practice in this program is really to start to reveal and unveil a lot of times which what, that which can be covered in our relationship with our sexuality around by shame and by these limiting beliefs that we adopted when we were younger. And this idea that we can’t be as sexual of a being as we want to be, but also teaching us like the education around our bodies and our vulvas and what they’re capable of and what they the actual anatomy, which a lot of people don’t even understand and the potential for multiple orgasms that we’re going to have different places in the body, and you know, all of these things. And this is just such a deep passion of mine. Because I, everything that I teach is everything that I have, that I embody, and that I’ve integrated into myself and into my nervous system and into my relationships. And so I see and experience with through myself and through clients, how profound this work is. How healing this work is on a somatic and therapeutic level. And so I’m just so grateful. You know, it’s me, and I’m doing the work, but it’s also the medicine that I’m just transmitting, you know, and so I feel really grateful that this is now the path that I’m on. And I get to share it. Pretty awesome.
Sophia Wise One 1:11:21
Amazing, amazing. I love it. I have to, like specific kind of questions that felt like a little bit unrelated.
Brittany Policastro 1:11:32
Sophia Wise One 1:11:32
So but the little, little, little place here with me. One is my sister asked me this morning, she said she recalled some tantric practice that had the like I think kind of like a microcosmic orbit breath style that started in the back and went to the front and for like the other, like maybe vulva owners went one direction and penis owners went the other direction. Is that true of the practice that’s specific? I don’t mean true. What I’m asking is, what she said is, of course, it’s true somewhere. Um, what she said is, she couldn’t remember which one was which like which started in the back and came up to the front and came down in the front and which started in the front, came up the front and went down the back.
Brittany Policastro 1:12:22
Yeah, so I don’t do that practice. And I don’t know that practice.
Sophia Wise One 1:12:25
Brittany Policastro 1:12:26
Speak to that, you know, the contract that I do is very specific, it’s rooted in a Tibetan lineage and the bond indigenous religion. And so, you know, this is a great thing to point out that not all Tantra is the same, and that Tantra is very, very different. And to put an umbrella over it, you know, it’s just, it’s just, there’s so many different ways that we experience. In some Tantra is actually just sacred sexuality and isn’t necessarily rooted in the indigenous culture of it. It’s all has its purpose. And it’s police. But it’s there’s lots of different things. And so I don’t necessarily do the breath that I do through the Tantra that I do is actually rooted in polyvagal theory, which I won’t get into, but is a way to calm the nervous system and get us into something called the ventral vagal pathway, which grounds us in safety in our bodies and stuff. And so and there’s also a couple breaths that we you know, we do tantric union breathing and things of that nature. And there’s, in my experience, there’s definitely a way that the energy flows like up front, I think it’s up the back and down the front. But in the sense of, you know, vulva owners or penis owners, I’m not, I’m not sure.
Sophia Wise One 1:13:42
Love that answer. I, when I, when I talk about Tantra with people, I often if they have some sort of yogic understanding, it’s like, I’m like, hatha posture, pranayama breath, vinyasa movement, Tantra sensation, like, you know, like that. It’s like it’s this. It’s a it’s a, you know, and then in under each of those is like, lineage, and years and teacher paths, and personal experience and authority and all sorts of different like think about how many vinyasa’s styles there are, you know, people I think a little bit more familiar with that. And so recognizing that like Tantra isn’t underneath one of those things are more specific. It is, it is a similar kind of top title, you know, reference for, for what it is so I love saying that, that you just bought that and named that specifically. And the second was, um, you know, I have this experience of having my physical genitals and then also having energetic genitals like I have an experience of having an energetic. I have a cock like I have testicles, like I have that I experienced those. Physically, I can make love with them, I can connect to them individually, like for advice that like make love with other people with myself. And I’ve had that experience with other lovers in all direction of genitals having kind of physically and so I’m curious about, I don’t know, kind of anything that you want to say about that, or in your lineage specifically or personally kind of where you hold that or where you look at that in a practice that’s looking because I look at this too, with my, you know, you know, being a pelvic floor specialist and working my way into just being like I work with all of these genitals now but starting out with, with, with, you know, vaginal work at first. Yeah, so that was my other kind of, yeah, yeah.
Brittany Policastro 1:15:32
So where my mind goes is more to the science of it, which is that when we’re born, um, you know, basically like vulva owners and penis owners, they all have, we all have the same parts. And this isn’t, you know, a lot, there’s a lot of this in the book, Come as you are by Emily, and I forget her last name right now, because the books Not in front of me but she talks a lot about that, um, but basically, like, we, you know, like the scrotum and the, the labia majora like they are the same. And the clitoris and the, you know, the penis, like that’s the same thing, like, and so actually it’s, it is that, like we do have all parts.
Sophia Wise One 1:16:18
Brittany Policastro 1:16:19
And so I, you know, I think of it, I think of it that way, it’s all you know, the, there’s something called a ralphie in the scrotum, it’s like a line that like if it was separated, would have formed the libya instead. And so for the first like, I think it’s six, around six weeks, like, we actually have the same and then like, they, they shift, but they’re still they’re still the same, like they’re just called different things and they look a little bit differently. And so I just think that’s interesting that like, maybe, maybe you’re tapping into that, right? Maybe there’s this, there’s this, this is actually very premortal like connection to the body that is like, yeah, like it’s, it just showed up in this way. This is the way that our bodies showed up with the clitoris and that the penis are very homologous, right, like, that’s just how they are. And so that’s what I kind of go to in that way. Energetically speaking, I haven’t had experiences like that, like the when I do tantric masturbation and whatnot, I do it from a very sematic healing space to connect with breath and touch and awareness to bring up, to bring up trauma and to use that to, to, to heal. And so that’s really now and that could change and shift. I have heard other people having those experiences and I think they’re freaking beautiful and absolutely possible, right? I think right now my experience with my, with my tantric like sexuality practices are more around healing trauma right now for me.
Sophia Wise One 1:18:06
Right. Right. And so the framework of like, the teaching other people in holding space in that way is like, here’s the toolkit for this shape and style flow. Got it. Cool.
Brittany Policastro 1:18:17
Sophia Wise One 1:18:17
Yeah. Got it. Yeah, my, yeah, I definitely tap into a primordial soup predominantly. It’s largely, I think that’s a good way, like a lot of what’s happening. And, and it’s funny when you say this, like this is what taps me into this, like my desire is the solution like I can, I can feel it in my body now just being like, right, and like I understand and have access to this unified connection with people’s genitals and bodies in this whole system. And that way of re and that way address of addressing trauma and restructuring pathways and like opening and embodying these deep pleasure pathways that are then the birth pathways for our, our consciousness and our reality. And so it’s like, when you have these conversations, like it’s like that’s where I that’s where it’s like, I’m sitting in the sunshine, and I’m like, like the sometimes I call it the pain of the visionary, where it’s like, I can see it, but like here, but I’m here and that’s there and, like from here to there, you know, so anyway, so thank you because I feel like you like it as you were talking. It’s like I get this feeling in my body that’s like, oh, my part, my part like this part that I that I know that I see that I can touch that I can speak to. And so listening, I’ve been one of the things I’ve just been listening for years. I’m really listening for, for how it is. Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know. Yeah, that’s yeah. I’m what, I’m listening for, for and then I think if I like even that drop in right now, the honest thing is, and I think a lot of people are coming through this time, it’s like collective rebirth time and a similar place like you know, I’m having my own experience of it but you, you are emerging in this way right now. And it’s this place of like exactly what you’re talking about the relaxation and the openness to let what already is there, like come forward and through. And I think that’s one of the reasons why my practice right now is to just be with these babies is because I don’t actually need to figure out a new thing or to make something work or to like figure like it’s like, it’s not it like it’s all here and it’s like literally the more I can like soften my belly and like relax and lengthen my spine and like open my eyes and, and let like pleasure and softness, like come into my body, the ease. Right? That ease of creation comes in.
Brittany Policastro 1:20:57
Sophia Wise One 1:21:00
Brittany Policastro 1:21:00
Sophia Wise One 1:21:01
Oh, Brittany. Oh, thank you. I feel very, very nourished by our time together.
Brittany Policastro 1:21:08
Sophia Wise One 1:21:08
Thank you. Thank you so much for joining our listeners. Joining us in our little, in our time here. And I want to ask you, so people want to check out your work. I know you have a beautiful new website that I looked out there. It’s really, it’s really beautiful, people. So we’ll put a link in there. But is there any, anywhere or any specific way that you’d like people to get?
Brittany Policastro 1:21:35
Yeah. Instagram is my, is my jam. So I post on there a lot, a lot of I’m doing more of that now. So it’s sexually_liberated. So the sexually liberated just with a underscore in between. And yeah, that’s where I share a lot of pictures and quotes and around polyamory around relationships, kink. I talk about lots of stuff. And I also have a blog that you can find on my comes out every Wednesday, that I that I also share a lot of my own vulnerable truths. And that comes out. You can see that on my website as well.
Sophia Wise One 1:22:15
Beautiful. Great. Well, our closing question still brewing here is this is, this world that we’re going to this one that we’re working that I think in many ways, we’ve, we’ve birthed and now we’re nurturing this new paradigm, this new reality, this new energetic construction that we’re in, what are we building? What does it look like? Where are we going? What’s the, what’s the part that you have for us, Brittany? We’ve, we’ve some of this reality, tell us about it.
Brittany Policastro 1:22:53
Deep acceptance of ourselves, and all of our pieces. The pieces that we feel freedom and the pieces that we know so well. Deep understanding and acceptance of each other, and the path that we are on, it doesn’t have to be similar. Those that we love and those that we don’t know. And then deep acceptance of the unfolding. Of how we all are unfolding individually and collectively and in relationship with each other. The way that we are intertwined, and then the way that we are also sovereign beings, may we really honor that sovereignty, because I deeply believe that, that is how we heal from that, in recognition of our own sovereignty, then all the ways sexual and all the ways and may we recognize that pleasure can help us can be a guide and an aid in which to explore ourselves and our bodies and to heal in a really beautiful way. Recipe.
Sophia Wise One 1:24:07
Recipe. Amazing. Thank you so much, Brittany. Thank you. Thank you.
Brittany Policastro 1:24:16
Sophia Wise One 1:24:18
You’re welcome. Thank you so much. Super exciting news in the Vagina Talks world. In the past couple months, we have been top ranking. Top 10 spirituality podcasts in multiple different countries across the globe. So that’s super exciting. Please, the number one way that this show gets heard is by people sending it to people. So if there’s somebody who you know would be nourished, validated, comforted, inspired by Brittany’s conversation today, please just go ahead and wherever you listen, either send a link from the website or hit that share button on whatever app you’re listening. If you listen on Apple podcasts, they’re changing the format when you update it. Instead of subscribe, they’re changing it to follow. So you got to hit a follow plus sign at the top right hand corner. And, and you got to then select that you want to have it download on a regular basis. So they’ve added a little bit more of a process to kind of keep it going but follow world and the download world. So when you go ahead and update that, make sure you update your, your, your stats with us here. If you don’t know, in addition to Vagina Talks with Sophia Wise One, I have another podcast called Medicine Caller, and another podcast called Temple Erotica stories of sacred sexuality. So if you haven’t checked those out, I encourage you to go take a listen. I am so grateful. I am so grateful. I feel lighter, I feel nourished. I feel fed by our time all here together today. And I just want to say, what do I want to say? Oh, your desire is the solution. So blessings on your courage to hear your heart and your soul and your your own dream, your dream destiny. And may you be soft and gentle and calm and strong enough to let it come into full fruition. We need you and all of your preciousness just as you are. So thanks for being here. All right. Take care.
Samantha Rise 1:26:28
Thank you so much for listening.
Sophia Wise One 1:26:29
Thank you so much. And thank you, Sam.
Samantha Rise 1:26:33
Thank you, Sophia.
Sophia Wise One 1:26:36
Remember, everything that we talked about in today’s episodes will be in the show notes. So go there for links.
Samantha Rise 1:26:42
For more content that you’re going to love, subscribe. Subscribe. Subscribe to this podcast. Share this episode with anybody think you’ll enjoy it and share the love with rate review or ever you listen.
Sophia Wise One 1:26:53
And to find out about all the math adventures I’m up to, check me out on Instagram @sophiawiseone or come to my website sophiawiseone.com. I am Sophia Wise One, daughter of the wind. I am calling you to rise up, rise up, rise up. Rise up and take your place. Thank you gorgeous. I am thrilled and grateful for your support. Listening to this podcast. I want to invite you to come check out the Patreon. If you think this podcast is the bee’s nails and you’re grateful that it exists, I want you to know, I’m grateful that you exist. Come join the Patreon. I call it The Temple. We are healing, we are musicking, we are podcasting, we are together. Come check it out. You can find it through patreon/sophiawiseone or through my website, sophiawiseone.com.
Samantha Rise 1:28:06
Now you need to hear that, though. You know. If you don’t know…
Sophia Wise One 1:28:10
If you don’t know…
Samantha Rise 1:28:11
Okay. Now, I’m so excited about Vagina Talks right now. Don’t pretend like you don’t know this is the best podcast you’ve ever listened to. Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You know.