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As a natural empath, sensitive, caretaker, intuitive, psychic, healer, medicine person, intuitive, whatever you want to call us, as naturally gifted as we are, without proper thorough training we lose our minds. I did. And then I got it back.

Born to an artsy educated family I was validated in my unique ways of seeing the world. As a child I was a little mystic, praying and singing to God voluntarily, talking to my ancestors, I even have a memory of holding my guardian angel’s hand when I was caught in the undertow. My dad says I came in an Elder. Although my spirit was nurtured, this world is hard on a mystic. My mother and sister were chronically ill. My deep knowing that I was a healer combined with the inability to heal my family galvanized a deep pain and compassion in me. All my sensitivities were honed to care for my family emotionally and other ways. It worked, for a while.

When I left home and went to college, I fell in love like never before, and then my love left the school. It activated all my untouched pain. All my perfect little management systems for my repressed grief, rage, and my co-dependent messes came exploding out. I was weeping 5 times a day. I could barely do my homework. Daily I had headaches, poor digestion, stabbing back pain and more. My closest friends and family were worried. Offered me drugs, begged me to just get over it, asked what I was going to do? I dropped out of college and returned home to pick up odd jobs and get the diagnosis of PMDD. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. My insanity had found a rhythm. 2 weeks sane-ish, and 2 weeks losing my shit. It was catastrophic to my income, my relationships, my life. My life wasn’t mine.

Luckily, due to my whole upbringing, I had the perspective of trusting that my feelings and body symptoms were signs I just had to encode, thanks to my profound born with faith I prayed constantly, courageously, begging to change and transformation. Determined over the next few years I became a licensed massage therapist, finished my BA, and gathered as many modalities and sat with as many healers and teachers as I could.

I learned to manage myself. I managed my behavior and symptoms okay, but one day on a plane with my brother he asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted to have normal PMS like everyone else. He wouldn’t take it. He refused, he said I could do better, that he knew I wanted more. Tears streaming down my face, 30,000 feet in the sky I fought with him until the shell cracked and truth poured out: “I want to be happy, feel at peace in my body, trust myself. Have good relationships, not be in pain, and love my life.”

Not long after, I shifted from managing myself to accepting myself. Realizing that I wasn’t too sensitive, I was THAT sensitive and that to be balanced and sane I didn’t need to decrease my sensitivity I just needed to increase something else and here is where the healing and the true transformation began to occur.

I lost my mind and my life broke at 19. It took about 7 years for me to get it back and then make it something I wanted. It took 7 years for me to learn what I needed to so that I became good company to myself and being with myself was no longer ranging from being tolerable to intolerable painful requirement of being alive. Lest you have the wrong picture, I still danced, sang, created, worked, dreamed, loved during these years, it was just really hard to live a life every day.

Let’s be clear. The things I learned are skills that have been hunted, murdered, and silenced out of many of our lineages. Things that cultures know and knew to pass on and teach to most people and especially their more sensitive ones. These are the emotional and spiritual skills that allow for optimal health and power in one’s own being that allows for sanity within sensitivity.

These are the essential elements of training for beings that have feelings that have been lost or silenced that I had to master in myself to heal and become a sane and, honestly, happy person.

– Knowing how to feel and process feeling (stop disassociating) including anger, rage, shame, guilt, and pleasure
– Knowing what I am thinking and deciding which thoughts I am going to listen to and how to create new patterns of thought
– Having a visceral, real, not theoretical experience of presence in my own body and being
– Understanding there is a language of the body and being able to listen to and communicate with my body (and then others)
– Working with my spirit guides and trusting my intuition
– Being in and facilitating Ceremony
– Knowing my needs and desires
– Setting and keeping peacemaking boundaries
– Ability to relax, clearing stress and discerning whose feelings and thoughts are whose from my emotions, mind, body, & spirit

These are BASIC and required skills for a sensitive empathic person to know. These skills, when mastered, result in sanity, power, well being, and enjoyment of one’s life, even when it feels shitty. These skills make people harder to control, dominate, indoctrinate, oppress.

Without these skills I WAS INSANE. Dysfunctional. Lonely. Bitter. Exhausted. Angry. And overwhelmed by other people’s feeling.

Untrained medicine people go insane. All the sensitivity and none of the skill is a recipe for addiction, abuse, masochism, controlling behaviors and list goes on and on.

Everything I learned and mastered (continue to master) as I learned them I studied it to see and know how to share it.

I am on a mission to equip people with these skills.

Vagina Talks podcast is a place we explore the nitty gritty bit by bit ways we can do this in our day today. Hear stories if these skill sin action and where they are needed.

I LOVE MY LIFE: Card Game and Oracle Deck is a 72 card with 72 teachings with over 200 practices for you and your friends and family to do at home that grow these skills and bring you home to yourself.

In the Shamanic Pelvic Floor Intensive, we hone in, restore, and cultivate and build each skill as needed one-on-one.

Soul Unification Healing Virtual Course (join the email list for updates) is a space to practice and deepen each of the skill required for unifying your true self with the self that lives your life.

The Training Ground: Foundations is where people learn to facility others in catering these skills, first through mastering these form in themselves in and then methods and unique to each person’s got ways to teach other people how to learn and apply these skills.

I am so excited you’re here!

You — I am calling you. To be yourself. Fully expressed. It needs YOU and it needs PLAY. Playing is a powerful path to healing, and it can be the sweetest most sincere hug, deep still quiet, tear streamed face, or belly sore laughter. It’s life. Your life EXPRESSED. It’s love. It’s the way I go, and it’s the way I’ll walk you.

This is my activism. This is my prayer. Because that’s what the world needs: you, showing up, in love. Full expression of self is the greatest act of self-love, and when you know how to really love yourself, you learn how to really love others. We are all connected.

In raw, wild, surrender and gratitude for life and for my teachers, and in humble honoring of my empowered, embodied, healed and healing self, I treasure the responsibility of walking with you.

Love,

sun-star

50 Things that Help Me Heal

is a collection of 50 bite-sized, short vlogs to help you find healing in, and from, anything. Learn skills that can help get you back on track to heal a broken heart, apathy, loneliness, body aches and pains, lack of self purpose, or whatever you’ve got going on. Here’s a hint: NO FIXING — There’s nothing to fix.

Hey! Drop the beat — it’s time for a dance party!